This weekend I read this excerpt from Patton Oswalt about death and the shit we are supposed to believe after someone passes away unexpected. **as if you really plan on anyone dying on you.**
Telling Oswalt that “everything happens for a reason” won’t help — it’s a theory he’d argue about with his wife before her death, and now he thinks she’s right.
“I’m very, very OCD. I like logic and order and neatness. And sometimes I would fall into that cliché where I would say, ‘Well, everything happens for a reason, I guess,’” he said. “And she would go, ‘No it doesn’t. It doesn’t happen for any reason. S—t just happens. There’s no closure, there’s no order and there’s no meaning. It’s whatever meaning you try to put on it, but nothing happens for any reason. Get that out of your head.’”
“Now that’s been proven to me in the s——-t way possible,” he lamented. “She won the argument in the worst way!”
“If there is a supreme being — whatever it is, and this was part of his plan that she’s gone and I’m not?” Oswalt concluded. “Then that’s a s—-y f–king plan or there’s no plan. Because again, I’m very happy with what I do — I tell d–k jokes. And she was trying to bring multiple killers to justice. And God looked down and said, ‘Let’s take her and keep him.’ That makes no f–king sense.”
I have to say, my thoughts are more in line with his. I still struggle with "a God" and why my son died and what I could have done to be a better person to have prevented his death. I still come down to the one single denominator - there is no reason. Life is just fucked up and we have not one fucking iota of control.