Today marks five-years since Thalon died.
It seems like yesterday.
It seems like it really didn't happen.
Today on this most auspicious anniversary, I smiled and helped host a staff luncheon at the kid's school because this is what a person does when one doesn't pay attention to her calendar of grief.
Because life keeps on ticking and going on.
People forget. Family forgets and well, you try to forget.
Except for your ten-year-old who somehow knows, this is when it happened. She bemoaned missing a brother she barely remembers. I could blame her emotions on her hormones but I don't. She's pretty savvy when remembering little details. In the end, it was a life-time ago for her.
I totally get it. I barely remember him as well, dear.
I hope we can continue to remember him in some way. Today or the twelfth. or Good Friday or Easter. Such a little bundle of dates I can't decide which to commemorate.
I swear he was here. I have a picture in my living room to prove it.
Rich's emotions and my emotions leading up to this date, TOTALLY remember this date. We are always on Defcon-Alert-ONE! Even when don't realize why we want to cut everyone. including each other.
Then the day arrives and in the end, it is just another day.
Work must take precedence, luncheons must occur, emails and bills are always due. no matter what.
Just another day.
BUT! Way down in my heart. A deep-seeded angst and feeling bubbles it's way forth. To remind a passer-by or stranger: today means something to me. Today is history.
I don't really care what is going on outside of my world even though I try to act like I do.
It is another day in your neighborhood, but in mine? An anniversary of sorts that is too morbid to celebrate.
How do you celebrate the day your child died?
I'm still trying to figure out the perfect way to remember and adore.
I'm sure a life-time will occur and I still don't think I'll have the answer to this question.